


Secrets I Have Held in my Heart

by our_winter



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M, Puppies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:07:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/our_winter/pseuds/our_winter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronan frowns at the feeling of something wet touching his face, there is a weight on his chest and something licking his feet, blinking slowly he opens his eyes to see Chainsaw looking questioningly at him from her spot on his headboard, she lets out a crack at the same time something lick his ear.</p><p>“What the hell?”</p><p>Turning his head to the side his eyes fall upon a ball of sand fur, a puppy happily climbs his face and settles beside his shaved skull, another start licking his cheek and other lay on his neck, he can feel some more upon his chest and stomach, at his feet and his hands. Ronan’s mind is still a little foggy from the dream.</p><p>“What the hell?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets I Have Held in my Heart

Ronan frowns at the feeling of something wet touching his face, there is a weight on his chest and something licking his feet, blinking slowly he opens his eyes to see Chainsaw looking questioningly at him from her spot on his headboard, she lets out a crack at the same time something lick his ear.

“What the hell?”

Turning his head to the side his eyes fall upon a ball of sand fur, a puppy happily climbs his face and settles beside his shaved skull, another start licking his cheek and other lay on his neck, he can feel some more upon his chest and stomach, at his feet and his hands. Ronan’s mind is still a little foggy from the dream.

“What the hell?”

He says again sitting carefully to not drop any of the puppies. There are twenty little balls of sand fur spread over him with disturbingly familiar blue eyes. For a moment he wonders if only someone who passes so much time looking at Adam Parrish like him would know that. He has three puppies on each arm when Noah appears in the middle of his room and shouts laughing.

“Guys you need come to see this!”

Ronan glares at him but soon enough his door is swinging open making his traffic tickets fly. Blue, Gansey and Adam stay on his doorway gaping at the sight of Ronan buried till the neck in puppies. Blue is the first to recover and she strides right at Ronan’s feet to take one puppy into her arms, but the moment she put her hands on the little ball the puppy let out a low growl and struggles to get out of her arms. Ronan give her a sarcastic smile.

“They sure are yours Ronan.”

She glares at him and carefully put the puppy back on the bed, the puppy happily climbs back at Ronan. Gansey is looking between Ronan and the puppies thoughtfully, Adam has a small smile tugging at his lips, and Noah has a knowing smirk on his face.

“What happened?” Gansey asks.       

“It’s all Parrish’s fault!”

Adam that is now sitting on Ronan’s floor beside Noah and playing with some of the puppies looks at Ronan.

“How this can be my fault? You dreamed them!”

“You were the only one saying you liked the godamn puppies!”

“Awn Ronan, you dreamed them for Adam, how sweet of you.”

Noah says and Ronan could throw him out the window again if he was not under a blanket of puppies, Adam has five of them between his crossed legs. No one says nothing for a moment till Gansey asks.

“So, what are you going to do with them?”

“The hell that I know!”

Ronan don’t dare look at Adam now, he can feel the other stare on him but a dozen pair of exactly the same shining blue eyes are already looking at his face, he let out a long breath while scratching some puppies. _I’m so fucked._

 

 

***

 

 

The puppies loved Adam. Of course they did **,** they were for him! The moment the others had gone back to what they were doing, half of the puppies had followed Adam to his spot on the couch where he was reading one of Gansey’s ancient books, now he had gave up on reading and is playing with them, the little things barking happily while running around him, stumbling at its own little paws. Ronan is sitting on the counter with two puppies sleeping in his arms and the rest of them at his feet, smirking every time Blue pass close to them and they growl at her, Gansey is hunched over a map and Noah is sit beside Ronan.

“You will have to tell him someday.”

“No, I don’t.”

“You don’t know what can happen.”

“He is fucking in love with Blue, Noah!” Ronan hisses.

“Is he?”

“Shut up you fucking ghost!”

Noah fades quietly into the air and Ronan goes back to look at Adam. The other boy has a large smile on his face, his eyes shining with more happiness than Ronan has ever seen. Ronan’s chest hurts with pride. He’s the one who made that, the only one who made Adam Parrish smile like nothing in the world concerns him. Not Blue with her fast answers, or Gansey with his perfect facade, or Noah with his quiet voice, but Ronan with his dreams. He buries his face in the puppies on his arms to hide his smile and don’t see Adam looking at him.

 

 

***

 

 

“What are you going to do with them?”

Adam asks quietly latter that night, they are sit on the ground surrounded by all the puppies which are sleeping around and above them, Chainsaw is nestled between his shoulder and neck.

“Not sure, was thinking about taking them to the Barns, I can dream something to give them food and I go there most of the days anyway. I dunno.” Ronan shrugs.

Adam is silent for a few minutes patting gently the puppy on his lap. Ronan never thought he would feel jealous of a puppy.

“Thank you.” He says quietly and Ronan looks at him with a raised eyebrow, he knows what Adam is talking about but he still wants to hear him. “For the puppies.”

“Don’t get so cocky Parrish, not everything is about you.”

Ronan gives him a smirk and Adam rolls his eyes giving him a small smile in return, the smaller boy let his head falls back on the couch closing his eyes and soon his breath even. Ronan looks at him till the sun rises.

 

 

***

 

 

Ronan’s back is sore and his ass hurts from staying all the night on the hard floor, he deposits the delicatessen boxes on the counter just as Gansey stands from his mattress, he gives Ronan a questioning look and Ronan just shrugs already eating a donut.

“You can keep an eye on them while I go to the church?”

“Sure, a bunch of puppies can’t make much trouble, right?”

Ronan looks carefully to where Adam and the puppies are sleeping in a stream of sun that comes from the window, the sunlight making them shine. A golden boy and a sea of golden puppies.

“Why you don’t donate them?”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

Because they’re mine. Because they’re _Adam’s._

“They’re not a _thing_ Gansey, I can’t give them away, they’re a part of me.”

Blue came out of Noah’s room in that moment cutting of Gansey’s reply.

“Breakfast!”

She exclaims stopping at Gansey’s side and making Adam jumps awake on his spot on the floor. Ronan hisses internally, he thought the boy would use some extra sleep, although he has already slept more than he usually does, that have to do for now. The dark boy gives Gansey a nod and heads to the door the moment some of the puppies start to bark and run around. He smiles hearing Gansey shouts when he’s closing the door.

“Adam, keep them away from my Henrietta!”

 

 

***

 

 

Ronan take one last breath before climbing the stairs to Monmouth, Declan had complained half an hour about his rolled up sleeves and his loosen tie and was with much effort he didn’t had punch him in the face, he tosses his tie and shirt away the moment the door swings open, twenty happy puppies come running to him and Ronan can’t contain his smile, he crouches caressing the little balls of energy that tries to climb him, Chainsaw comes flying and lands on Ronan’s shoulder pecking his ear gently. He raises his eyes to see Adam looking at him with a small smile surrounded by a halo of light, Ronan’s chest squeezes and he let his eyes fall to the puppies again.

“Thought you were studying Parrish.”

He says casually while going to his room with the puppies running behind him. Adam leans against his doorway looking to the floor.

“Will you take them to the Barns?”

Ronan finishes putting his T-shirt before looking at Adam and raising an eyebrow questioningly.

“I want to go with you.”

“Why?”

“I want to see if you are going to take care of them.”

Ronan glares at him but don’t say anything.

“They’re mine too Lynch.”

“If you say so.”

Ronan strides passing Adam and going to the door, he thinks a moment before going down the stairs carefully with the puppies behind him and Adam after all of them.

After some minutes of discussion they decide it’s better to put all the puppies in the backseat with Adam, Ronan drives out of the parking lot and between the streets for the first time in a speed close to the limit. The puppies don’t stop jumping from one side to the other and barking till Adam starts humming quietly, his voice low while he sings some country music Ronan doesn’t know but the puppies stops, they all make a pile around him and settles in silence listening to the tones of Adam’s voice, more he sings more distracted he becomes ‘cause after some time his Henrietta accent starts to show. Ronan keeps his trained eyes on the street after Adam had caught his eyes on the rearview mirror more than once, he’s tempted to turn on the radio so Adam’s voice and the snake turning on his stomach would fade away, but he don’t want the balls of energy to restart nibbling his car seats. This is what he tells himself.

 

 

***

 

 

The puppies run out the car the moment Ronan swings the door open, racing through the shining green grass and jumping into one another, they shine gold in the sun, their happy barks filling the air. Adam is smiling again watching some of them follow a butterfly.

“What are you going to do now?”

Ronan’s eyes scan the space in front of them pretending he don’t want to kiss Adam’s smile.

“Nothing, they’re happy.”

“They can’t stay in the open.”

“I will dream a dog house.”

“A _huge_ dog house?”

Ronan just grins in response and walks through grass and racing puppies, studying the best place to put the house. He rounds his house till the back where a big oak spread its shadow on the ground, Adam and the balls of energy stops beside him, he lies on the grass and is immediately covered by the puppies. Ronan smiles scratching behind ears and under chins, the fur is soft in his hands and the puppies smells like Cabeswater and sunlight. He let them lick their way through his hands, arms and face, nuzzling his pants pockets and biting gently his ears.

“Take them to somewhere Parrish, I can’t sleep this way.”

“To where am I supposed to go?”

“Just walk, the Barns are not dangerous.”

But then Ronan thinks of the sight of Niall Lynch lying bloodied on the ground and he almost tells Adam to stay with him, to not leave his sight, instead he says with a shrug.

“Go see the cows, maybe they wake them.”

Adam hovers above Ronan for a moment looking right into his eyes and this time Ronan don’t looks away, the other boy gives him a slow smirk and then says.

“Let’s go boys, dad has work to do.” Adam walks away with a line of puppies behind him.

 _This mean you are their mom?_ Ronan almost retorts but stay quiet, Chainsaw is flying in circles above him and he closes his eyes feeling the sunlight warm his skin. It’s not hard to fall asleep since he hasn’t slept last night and soon enough his surrounded by Cabeswater.

_The trees are quiet around him, the clearing filled with sunlight. He closes his eyes for a moment imagining a huge dog house filled with toys, food, water, heat, those bed and dog’s door and everything he could think they would need, he dreams a fence too with space enough for them to run around. He opens his eyes again and nod satisfied with his work._

_“Cur is Greywaren?” Why this Greywaren?_

_“Dona mago.” Gifts for the Magician._

_There’s no reason to lie here. They start to talk too low and fast for him to understand._

_“Iam eo cor dedisti.”_ _You already gave him your heart._

_Ronan snorts._

_“Scire non indigent.” He doesn’t need to know this._

_“Tanta dona, forsitan scit.” Too much presents, maybe he knows._

_He stays quiet for a moment thinking about the things he had done and give for Adam and if the other would ever know about his real reasons. He shakes his head and puts his hands in the wood of the house._

_“Gratias.” Thank you._

He opens his eyes. The sky is dark above him, a few stars shining in the darkness, Chainsaw flies from her spot in one of the oak branches and settles on his shoulder when he stands. He looks at the newest acquisition in the Barns for a moment and then follows a path of light that comes from the front of the house. Adam is sitting on the ground and leaning against the wall besides the door, singing softly again and surrounded by the puppies that comes running to Ronan the moment they see him.

“Nice to see you didn’t get lost Parrish.”

The smaller boy stops singing abruptly and looks up at Ronan, he looks half asleep.

“You did it?”

“You did it?” Ronan retorts in a bad imitation of Adam’s Henrietta accent.

Adam sighs and stands, climbing down the few steps to where Ronan stood with the puppies, Ronan doesn’t wait for him and walks back to the fence that now surrounds a big part of the back of the house, he opens the gate and keep walking till reach the blue and white doors of the house/barn.

“Welcome to your new house.”

The doors swing open and the sea of golden fur races inside, sniffing everything, barking happily and biting the toys. Adam stops by Ronan’s side smiling softly, his blue eyes in the puppies.

“Seems like this works.”

“Of course this works, they’re all dreams, they’re a part of me and I love myself.”

Adam’s eyes fall to Ronan’s leather bands for a moment wondering, seems like he is going to say something but then changes his mind.

“It’s late, I need to go back.”

Ronan nods.

“I’ll drive you and then come back. Don’t want to leave them alone here on their first night.”

Adam pauses and considers something for a moment.

“If you drive me back before my shift tomorrow we can stay.”

Ronan nods again and closes the doors, they settle in a way very likely the last night but this time Ronan sleeps too.

 

 

***

 

 

Ronan is completely covered in foam, till his shaved head has a wig of white bubbles on it, the puppies are running around wet and slipping in the mud, Chainsaw is looking at him with what looks like an amused look, he glares at her. He tries to catch another puppy but the slippery thing runs away from him, he is sure they are all together in a plan to fool him. The sun is shining and the sky is the bluest it had been in a few weeks so he had thought that would be a good idea to wash the little bratty’s. He was wrong. Now he is the only one half washed and the puppies are only dirtier than before.

“Come right here you little devils.”

He shouts trying to catch ten puppies at the same time, they run away from him barking happily, he starts to laugh in the middle of the run and falls on the grass.

“I give up, why I don’t thought about you being obedient when I dreamed you?”

Ronan stays still for a long moment till he feels the puppies surround him, sniffing his wet cloths and hands, then he jumps upright catching as many puppies as he can and tossing them inside the tub.

“Catch you!”

The puppies bark angrily at him while he washes their golden fur. His body tenses when he hears a chuckle and finds Adam laughing quietly by the fence looking at them. The sound sends a shiver through his spine.

“What the hell are you laughing at Parrish?”

Adam’s smile just widens.

“Nothing Lynch. Nothing.”

“Don’t stay there looking all pretty. Come help me!”

“You just called me pretty?”

“Shut up!”

Adam comes inside and stops by Ronan’s side taking a towel on his hands and drying the puppies Ronan gives to him, they put the clean puppies in the back of the dog house/barn where is dry and the sun help to finish dry their sand fur. Adam is the only chasing the puppies this time and Ronan can’t stop laughing when he falls in a mud puddle, his tanned skin completely dirty now, mud dropping from his face and neck.

“Seems like you need a bath more than them.”

Ronan is still chuckling when Adam comes back.

“You too.”

The smaller boy pushes him inside the bath.

“Fuck you Parrish!”

Ronan climbs out of the bath chasing Adam, the other keeps laughing while running away from Ronan’s hands. Ronan catches him after a minute and throws in the bath, Adam circles his hand around Ronan’s wrist and pulls him inside with him. They both keep laughing till their stomachs hurts.

 

 

***

 

 

Noah had insisted he wants to see the puppies after four days of them being in the Barns. It’s a school night and they waits Adam arrives from work before starting the movie. Of course Blue thinks 101 Dalmatians would be a perfect match. Ronan and Adam are sitting on the floor with their pieces of pizza and the puppies around them surprisingly quiet watching the movie, Noah is lying with his head on Adam’s knee and six puppies above his belly, Gansey and Blue are curled on opposites sides of the couch. They’re all silent eating the pizza, Ronan scratches four different pairs of ears on his lap, his and Adam’s shoulder barely touching when they move.

“I sure as hell feel like Pongo.”

The taller boy mutters looking at the dog’s suffering on the screen.

“This makes Adam what? Brenda?”

Noah smirks at him and he gives a slap on the ghost boy’s head.

“Ouch!”

“Go find a house to hunt.”

“I already have you.”

Noah is saved of another slap by Adam.

“Lynch, I want to see the movie and you are being a bad influence to the kids.”

Ronan snorts at him but put his hands back on the puppies. They all choke on a laugh when Cruella appears and all the puppies yelp running to hide behind Ronan’s back, easily forgetting the previously conversation.

The night is good and they all are smiling when the movie end, except Ronan who just smirks before he throws Noah out of the window. Blue let out a shriek and tosses a shoe at his head, what she misses brilliantly, he gives her a wide wicked smile before climbing down the stairs with Adam and the puppies behind him. Adam knows Ronan had dreamed them because of him, maybe he thinks he has some obligation, maybe he thinks Ronan had dreamed them so Adam would have to spend more time with him. He puts the puppies in the back of the BMW before leaning against the closed door and looking right into Adam’s blue eyes.

“Look Parrish, I can take care of them, you can go back to your five works, homework and dreams about the Senate. You don’t have any obligation here.”

“I want to stay with them.”

Ronan ignores the speed of his heart. It’s _almost_ what he wants to hear.

“Don’t blame me when your degrees fall. I’m a bad influence.”

He smiles repeating Adam’s early words. Adam smiles back at him climbing inside the car.

“I’ve already been corrupted.”

 

 

***

 

 

Ronan is exhausted, he leans his head back against the leather of his father old chair. He had spent all the day trying to found a way to wake the cows but nothing has worked, Cabeswater had sent him back with empty hands every fucking single time. He sighs closing his eyes and letting the familiar sounds calm him. He could hear the sleeping animals, Chainsaw beating her wings waiting for him to stand, the puppies sleeping, the barn door opening. He swings to his feet and walks to the office door, Adam look up from where he is crouched patting the puppies which had wake to the sound of him arriving. The circles around his eyes are dark, his golden hair disheveled, he looks like he hadn’t eat nothing the entire day. Ronan doesn’t doubt that.

“You look like shit.”

Adam gives him a sarcastic smile.

“You too.”

Ronan strides to the house with Adam and the puppies behind him, that seems to be the new routine of his life. He goes inside the house and Adam doesn’t follow him there, he probably knew he doesn’t need to. Ronan goes back outside with a plate of warm leftovers from the night before and places it at Adam’s lap where he is sitting on one of the chairs in the porch, he nods in acknowledgement but don’t take his eyes away from the infinite night, Ronan sits beside him. Adam must have took the puppies to their house/barn ‘cause none of them are nowhere to be seen.

“Long day?”

Adam asks when he finishes his food and leans his head in the back of the chair shutting his eyes closed.

“Yeah. You?”

“Thought it would never end, just wanted to come back home.”

Adam mumbles, his exhaustion letting his Henrietta accent slips, but this time Ronan doesn’t pay attention to that, he is studying the feelings turning on his chest at Adam’s words. He doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet looking at the nothing, the night seems infinite so does him. A long time latter when Adam’s breath is even and Ronan feels his own eyes falling shut he whisper.

“You’re home now.”

 

 

***

 

 

“Haven’t you guys thought about names yet?”

Noah asks the moment Adam enters Ronan’s car that afternoon, startling the sand haired boy.

“Fuck Noah!”

Ronan smirks at the ghost boy.

“So?”

“Thinking about puppy one, two, three and keep going…”

Ronan shrugs starting the car.

“They’re your children, you have to name them.”

Noah whines.

“They’re _my_ children **,** I’m a single parent.”

“Well, I’m at least their godfather, so I think I have an opinion too.”

Ronan raises an eyebrow at Adam not sure to what say to that.

“We are discussing their custody now Parrish?”

“They love me more than they love you Lynch.” Adam smirks at him.

“On your dreams.”

“This is your area.”

“Can I name one of them Glitter?” Noah asks.

“Fucking no!”

“What?”

“At least Hammer or Cannonball.”

Adam looks at him for a long moment like asking if he was really being serious before leaning his head in the backseat with a long sigh.

“Typical.”

 

 

***

 

 

Ronan drives them to the Barns, Noah disappearing before they even get there. The puppies come running to the fence barking happily at the sight of them, Adam sits under the oak with his homework on his lap while Ronan run around with the puppies, tossing things for them to catch and running from them in a kind of catch game. Sometime later when Ronan looks up Adam is looking at them with a smile turning the corner of his lips. Ronan’s heart skips a beat. He never had seen Adam smile so much as in the last weeks. The knowledge that he’s the one who’s doing this makes something ease on Ronan’s chest, something like proud spreads into him.

“What the hell are you looking at Parrish?”

Adam’s smile is still there when he lifts a paper leaf.

“Was thinking about names.”

Ronan shakes his head going to sit next to him.

“Of course you was, let me see what monstrosities you chosen to my sons.”

 

 

***

 

Ronan dreams them headbands with the names he and Adam had chosen. They start a kind of routine. Ronan wait for Adam on the days he doesn’t work the last shift and they would go to the Barns together or Adam would drive there after his shift ends and sleep with them. Ronan tries to not think too much about this, or about the way Adam’s clothes start to hang around the house bathroom or couch, or how calming is to hear Adam humming around, or how familiar is to walk inside and find Adam in the couch with his homework in hand, or the casual touches that happen when they are moving in the same room. Ronan have the feeling he is caving his own grave but he can’t stop himself, it’s just too _easy_ to pretend he could have this, to pretend this is how they would work.

They’ve been this way for three weeks when the storm comes. Ronan takes all the puppies inside the house with him when he sees the heavy clouds coming their way, he thought that maybe Adam wouldn’t come but then he hear a knock on the door and surely enough there he is, with his arms around himself trying to keep warm.

“Trying to kill yourself Parrish?”

He lets the door open and goes back to light the fireplace, tossing a blanket at the smaller boy and going to the kitchen. Since they are practically living there – _Together_ – Ronan had brought food and sure enough Adam had insisted on paying half of everything. He and Adam eat the lasagna he had done in comfortable silence only broken by the thunders and the puppies barking, the awkwardness that was there on the first days long gone, now they could understand each other with just one glance or nod. Gansey had gave them awkward glances, calling Ronan and asking what was happening between them, Ronan had just smiled at him and said they were building a family, Gansey had rolled his eyes and gone back to write something on his journal. Noah on the other hand had been giving Ronan knowing smiles, always saying things that had let Adam looking at Ronan with questioningly blue eyes, Ronan just shrugs like asking: _He’s dead, what you expect?_ But he don’t say how much that matter for him. Coming back to his home before all this time, he had been coming to the Barns for a while but he don’t come inside the house, he usually stays at the barn on his father old office trying to dream things he don’t even know how work. He don’t say a word but he’s becoming more desperate, desperate that something will happen to him, that someone worse than Greenmantle will appear and end his life just as he had done to his father, that Mathew will fall in a fucking coma and without Ronan he will never wake again, Chainsaw and the puppies will be faded to live locked in Cabeswater. He’s afraid of leaving Adam, afraid that if he lost the happy barks he will not smile again, afraid that without him Cabeswater will take him completely, will shallow him whole and take every part of that beautiful boy. Ronan asks himself if the forest will keep him somewhere, the real Greywaren that it loves so much, he asks if Cabeswater will ever let something happen to him, if it will let him fade away. The forest shouldn’t love him more than it loves Adam but it does, Ronan takes and Adam gives, together they are the magic that rules an undiscovered world, a beautiful and dangerous world that are only for them. The Dreamer and The Magician. He begs quietly in the church for God to show him what to do, to give him some fucking clue to how save them all. He never gets an answer.

Ronan sits in the couch and Adam on the floor, the puppies surround them, finding comfortable warmth against their bodies, Adam is singing something about cold days while doing some chemistry homework and Ronan just stares at the wood crackling in the fireplace wondering what he’s doing with his life when Adam rests his head on his knee. Ronan stay quiet for a long time, don’t daring to move till he’s sure Adam is heavily asleep and then he cards his fingers gently through Adam’s sand hair, the strands are as soft as he thought they would be, sliding easily between his fingers; he closes his eyes taking a deep breath. _I’m so fucked._ The wind hits hard against the windows, making howling songs between the thunders, the house is dark and quiet, he remembers making blanket forts with his brothers in this same living room, his father appearing with an impossible thing for them. Now the biggest impossibility in his life is the boy sleeping on his knee. So close and so far. Ronan wonders if he can stop time, if he begs Cabeswater it would let him live in this moment for an eternity, he knows he can have this on his dreams, he had found Adam there countless times, but now that he knows how this would be on reality, how is the real feeling of Adam’s hair; his skin; his smell; now that he had heard Adam laughing at some stupid show on tv; he saw Adam’s tired smile after a long day at work, the way he could fall dead asleep even on the floor and just wake in the morning; heard he singing songs that he never had heard and will never forget; the ridiculous fight they had over the last cookie, which Ronan let Adam wins but he had cracked the cookie in two and gives half to Ronan anyway. He doesn’t had realized one of the reasons he had gone most of his nights to St. Agnes, was to make sure that Robert Parrish would never lay a finger again on his son, the thought of that piece of shit makes Ronan’s fists clench and his vision turn red. Now he only can really breathe when he hears Adam’s shit car stops besides his and Adam’s familiar footsteps on his house entry. He doesn’t want to lose any of this.

“You will be a good father.”

Adam says quietly startling Ronan, his entire body goes still, his hand jerking away instantly.

“Don’t stop.”

The smaller one mumbles after some time, Ronan closes his eyes taking a deep breath after poking gently Adam’s shoulder.

“Come on Parrish you will be sore in the morning if you sleep here.”

He knows Adam is sleeping more now than he had in God knows how long but this don’t mean he’s not exhausted from school, work and searching for Glendower. Adam mutters something about always being sore but doesn’t move, Ronan sighs again and after debating with himself for some time takes the boy into his arms, Adam is lighter than he looks and Ronan take a note to don’t let him stop eating, Adam snuggles his shoulder, his nose buried in Ronan’s neck, he take the stairs slowly in the dark, the lightning’s the only things illuminating his way, he had slept on his old room sometimes so it’s the only place that is not covered in dust. Ronan carefully places a kiss at Adam’s temple – Another stole moment, these seems the ones Ronan can get – before placing the boy gently on his old bed and putting the blankets over him, he runs his fingers one last time between Adam’s strands and turns to go away but a hand on his wrist makes him stop.

“Stay.”

Ronan looks back at Adam and the other is looking right at him with beautiful blue eyes shining in the dark.

“You’re grow enough to sleep by yourself Parrish.”

“Stay.”

“Why?”

“I grew used to have you with me.”

“I’m not your teddy bear.”

“I never had a teddy bear.”

That shuts Ronan’s mouth and he wonders how many normal things Adam hadn’t had. He weights his options for a second. _I’m already on deep shit._

“Move over.”

Adam slides to the side making room for him in the not very big bed, Ronan lies down and nothing happens, he keeps staring at the ceiling hearing Adam breath and the wind bangs the window. A second or an hour later Adam’s hand slides into his, his fingers are warm and calloused. Little by little the smaller boy gets closer till he is half lying in Ronan’s chest and his face is pressed against Ronan’s neck. The taller boy is completely still.

“Parrish.”

It’s a warning and a plea. Adam’s lips brush Ronan’s neck making his entire body shudder.

“Parrish!”

Ronan’s voice is more sharp now more desperate, his heart is beating so loud in his ears he can’t hear the thunders anymore. Adam pushes himself up till his eyes lock with Ronan’s.

“I’m not going to regret this, not you.”

The taller boy stares right into Adam’s eyes searching for something, anything that could tell him the other was not sure about this. He finds no doubt. Ronan surges forward and catches his lips, it’s softly and gentle, like nothing Ronan had ever done before, his hands cradle Adam’s head like he’s holding something made of glass, like he’s breakable but he knows how strong this boy is, maybe he’s the strongest of them all, still Ronan can’t stop himself for treating him like the most precious thing he had ever hold on his hands, the same hands that could hold dreams and impossible things now are holding the most impossible and beautiful of them all.

“Don’t fuck with me Parrish.”

He warns between kisses, Adam grins against his mouth.

“Was thinking you would like that later.”

Ronan stay still for a moment before crackling in a laugh.

“Oh my God, shut up.”

“Make me.”

The words are whispered against his lips and Ronan thinks that he can steal some hours of Adam’s sleep this time while surging forward again to take the other’s lips on his.


End file.
